Last year's blog written by Mom for my Birthday

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Happy Birthday to you, Shiloh

June 28 is Shiloh's birthday. It is also her husband Matt's birthday and Matt's twin brother Mike's birthday, so happy birthday to the three of you. I think Jane, Matt and Mike's mom, said the twins were born at some early hour of the morning. Shiloh was born at 8:46pm on a Wednesday.

I just read a blog by a young woman who literally wrote a six part blog, with six "cliff hangers", about her recent baby being born. Although I think it was a bit much, I know the feeling because having a baby is something you remember in minute detail. I remember almost everything that happened that day, even though it was some years ago.

So, I am going to make Shiloh seem awfully old to any of you young women who are just having your baby today, like Chantel and Mike, congratulations on your Katie Jane born Thursday.

Although I was young and naïve back then, these days I would never take for granted this everyday normal birth. I am so very thankful for everything about it.

We lived in a small town in Missouri. I worked in the hospital where I had the baby, just down the hall in the pharmacy. I knew some of the nurses and aides and then the people in the pharmacy, so that was nice for me. I had worked that day until 3:00pm. This day was 3 weeks before my due date of July 19, so everyone was surprised at how quickly everything happened. I happened to be driving a pickup truck and we had a friend who needed to borrow it, so my girlfriend picked me up from work. We had planned to go swimming that evening, (yes, it seems odd now), but that was our plan. Anyway, I started feeling bad, not that she or I thought it was labor, but that I was just sick. As we drove through the little town where we lived, we saw Jay's truck at the "filling station". Apparently he had had a flat tire. We put a note on the truck and then went to my parent's house. My father thought I might be in labor, since, as he described it later, when he looked at me, I had the "wild eyed" look first time heifers get when they have their first calf. Remember we lived in the country.

Jay got to my parent's house and we decided to go to the hospital around 6:00pm. I had a pretty easy time, well once they gave me some Demerol, and had the baby within a few hours. And guess what, we didn't know if the baby was a boy or a girl until she was born. Hence the term "it's a girl" was literally said when the baby was born.

My parents didn't follow me up to the hospital, but decided to go ahead and go to church since it was Wednesday night. They drove up to the hospital later and were surprised when the doctor said they could come back and see the baby. Then, as this was still the day of the "party line", Jay tried to call his parent's several times and got a "busy signal" so they didn't even know until the next day. We sure take all this instant communication for granted.

So, I had the baby at 8:46pm and then went to a room by around 10:30pm and then Jay just went home. Actually, he probably went to a late night breakfast with our friends and then went home. The dad didn't generally stay at the hospital unless there was something terribly wrong. The next day, he could come in, but the visiting hours were restricted. The dad's could stay a little longer than other family, but generally you had visitors for about an hour in the afternoon and an hour in the evening. And there were certainly no children under 14 or so allowed to visit, unless there was a really good reason.

So that was Wednesday night and I stayed Thursday, then Friday, then Saturday, and yes, actually until Sunday, for just a normal delivery. I saved the hospital bills from my delivery and stay in Shiloh's baby book. Shiloh and I got them out and looked at them and now Shiloh is going to seem really old. The bill for baby girl Douglas was $160 or around $39 per day for room and board. The bill for me was $303, with $225 for the delivery room and about $15 per day for room and board?? I don't know how in the world they only charged $15 per day, but it is true.

I wouldn't trade all the technology available for mothers and babies today. I know my staying in a hospital for 3+ days was not necessary, but my goodness, now you just pop in and pop out. But really, there was nothing like the thrill of hearing "it's a girl" that evening.

Happy birthday Shiloh, you changed our lives forever.

Thanks, Mom!  I missed you so much yesterday.  There was a package on our front porch and I immediately thought you had sent me something, forgetting you aren't here.  It was a weird feeling. 

I had my first dream about you today.  You were bringing the boys home from doing something with them.  You were happy and healthy.  Everything seemed so normal.  You looked great.  

I am grateful God gave me a happy picture of you for my birthday, even in a dream.  I love you and miss you every day.  I still struggle with wanting to call you at some point every day.  Another odd feeling.  

You used to say "I feel like we haven't talked in ages."  Even after one or two days of not talking on the phone.  I miss that.  I miss you.  

This was a great birthday.  We are so blessed and have so many people that love us.  I am so grateful.  

I just miss you and love you on yet another tough milestone.

My Birthday Wish...

Today is my 33^rd birthday! 

A few weeks ago, I asked for prayer for clarity and direction.  The next day, a very dear friend of mine called.  She said she felt like she needed to share this opportunity with me.  I had no idea that when people interceded on my behalf, the Lord would do something this big.  This has always been a dream of mine and a calling in my life.  I am humbled and honored and so incredibly excited.  SDG!!!

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans...in their affliction.”  James 1:27

“There are no orphans of God.”   

This October 12-24, 2011, I have an amazing opportunity to visit an orphanage in Kenya,

Africa.  That’s right AFRICA!!!  This 12 day mission-trip is being organized by a Christian, non-profit ministry called Visiting Orphans.  Visiting Orphans organizes trips for Christian groups to visit orphanages all over the world.  

You can learn more about them at: www.VisitingOrphans.org .

I am writing this on my birthday to ask you to partner with me on this trip by praying, encouraging and financially supporting me.  Please pray that our team will have unity and that our travels will be safe and we’ll remain healthy.  Pray also that God will teach me more about Himself and especially pray that we’ll be able to communicate God’s love to the children we meet.

The cost for me to attend this trip is approximately $3,000. This includes all my travel, lodging, meals, and translators. Once I’ve reached my goal, any additional money raised on my behalf can go toward orphanage donations on our trip.  The large portion of this money ($2,000) is due to Visiting Orphans by August 13th.  The balance will be due around the end of September, three weeks before my trip.

You can make your donations online at: visitingorphans.org .  Click on Make a Donation.  Under Gift Designation, please indicate October 12-24, 2011 Kenya Trip.  Next, click Yes to “Would you like to designate this donation to a specific team member?”  Team Member’s Name is Shiloh Wolff.

You can also send me a Facebook message or mail donations to me directly.  Just message me and I will send you our address.  Please make checks payable to Visiting Orphans.  All donations are tax deductible.

Thank you for considering being a part of my support team. If you need to contact me with any questions, please email me at: shilohwolff@hotmail.com or send me a Facebook message.

Thank you for listening to my heart on my birthday.  I appreciate your support and encouragement.

After our trip, I will send you a letter explaining what happened on our trip and show you pictures of our time there.

Yours in Christ,

Shiloh Wolff

June-uary

So, I cannot believe it is June.  I still feel like it is January.  It is such a weird feeling.  But, the ever present smell of sunscreen and outside sweaty boys reminds me that it is overwhelmingly summer. 

I am grateful to have this summer with my boys.  We have packed it full of activities.  Swim lessons, T-ball, Water park, Library story time, Piano lessons, Movies, plus upcoming trips, etc.  It is a little bit of a psychology thing for me.  Maybe if we stay busy enough, the void won't seem so big. 

Believe me when I say, for me, sadly, it is just another reminder of our significant loss.  It is so hard.  I was telling Matt that tonight.  Everything that we do just reminds me that she is no longer here.  I miss her and wish there were better words to describe this feeling.  Missing her seems kind of blah.

Since I last wrote, we have celebrated Easter and Mother's Day without my Mom, I went to San Antonio, Preston started playing T-ball, Bennett finished his days at Mother's Day Out, and Preston graduated Kindergarten. 

With each milestone and moment, the inevitable firsts, the ache and empty feeling remains.

I really had no idea...

But, not to leave on a sad note, I will try to sandwich this post out. 

So, here goes.

I do have a birthday coming up.  My Dad asked me what I wanted.  (My Mom was always the gift giver.)

It will be interesting to see what this year holds.  I feel like there are some huge possibilities, Lord willing.  Would you all just pray for God's wisdom for direction?  I am still in A.D.D. mode, so it is hard to hear His Voice above the madness. 

I have contemplated mission trips, foster care, adoption, travel agent, writing, school, therapy, TOMS shoes sales, and pretty much any cause that crosses my path apart from breast cancer, especially anything with helping children. 

This is just a glimpse.  I don't have a lot of clarity on much of anything these days. 

So, for my birthday, would you all please pray for me? 

What do you get someone that is blessed and doesn't "need" anything? 

Prayer for what is next.

Thank you.