Musings of a Mzungu

While in Uganda, everywhere we went, many people (of all ages) would call out; "Hey, Mzungu, how are you?"  I thought it was so funny.  I even bought a t-shirt that says "MZUNGU" on it.  I have no idea if children or adults over there even know what it means.  We were told it basically meant foreigner.

Well, when I got back, I googled the term, "mzungu."
Literally translated it means "someone who roams around aimlessly" or "aimless wanderer."

Some people would be offended by this.  In fact, I would hear people trying to correct children by asking them to call them "Auntie" or "Uncle."  They would say, "I am not a Mzungu!" 

Personally, I found truth in it.

Have you ever been in a season of wandering or roaming around aimlessly?

If you have not, then, you should probably stop reading this...

I can honestly say that over the last year and a half, I have had many, many times of aimless wandering. 

It struck me quickly after my Mom found out the cancer had spread to the lining of her brain.

It came on strong when I was her care giver and there was this indescribable, overwhelming feeling of helplessness.

It blind-sided me when I watched my Mom breathe her last breath.

It occurred when I quit my job/ministry at the Pregnancy Resource Center.

It hit me hard when I traveled all the way to East Africa and saw things that started a whole new, different grief process in my life.

It still happens when I lay awake at night unable to turn off my mind to the things I have seen, smelled, heard, touched and experienced.

"Aimless Wanderer."  MZUNGU.  Yep, that pretty much sums up this last year or so.

It has been a very bizarre and new feeling, although I do feel like I am beginning to move forward, which is good.  Sometimes it feels like I am just coming out of a fog or coming up to the surface from under water or climbing out of a pit.  Again, the best analogy I have read so far is the learning to walk again after losing a limb.

Hopefully, prayerfully, with the Lord's help, this Mzungu is starting to find some direction again.

Since January 12, 2012, I have kept a planner of JOY.  Each day, I have written a JOY Scripture and a JOY quote.  JOY!  JOY!  JOY!

That's a lot of JOY!

I give Glory to God for bringing healing JOY in my life every day.  It is definitely a day to day, moment by moment process.

I am being challenged in new ways. 

I can't just sing these words and not live them out...

"Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss."  (Lead me to the Cross lyrics)

"It's all about You, Jesus."  (Jesus, Lover of my soul lyrics)

"Break my heart for what breaks Yours."  (Hosanna lyrics)

"Now that I have seen, I am responsible.  Faith without deeds is dead."  (Albertine lyrics)

"There are no orphans of God."  (Orphans of God lyrics)

Here are some words from a book that I have been reading recently.  My dear friend, Mary Smith, gave me this book.  It is called "Hope Lives, A Journey to Restoration" by Amber Van Schooneveld.

"Help me not to let my all-about-me attitude persuade me to neglect those You want me to reach.  I want You to transform me to be like Jesus."

"I want God to transform my heart by the Holy Spirit so that I love what God loves, so that mercy naturally flows out of me.  I want to show others mercy because it was first shown to me; to offer mercy to others as fellow guests at God's table, not as a benevolent queen offering scraps to beggars at my feet."

"If I give every last cent, but I don't do it in Your love, it's a waste.  Mercy is attached to my heart.  God, please change my heart.  I give it to You.  Transform it to love with Your love."

"Guilt is not the point.  I don't need guilt; I need love."

"True charity is love."

"I want to turn away from my cold charity and my willing ignorance."

"Thank You that I know You're just waiting to do this."

Can you hear my toes crunching?

So, all this to say, this Mzungu is preparing for something.  I don't exactly know what it looks like, but I know I am pressing on toward it.  Forward progress is a good thing.

We all need to be passionate... even when we are wandering aimlessly. 

Waiting is not my forte, but no matter what or when, I am fixing my eyes on Jesus.

Remember, it is a sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.  - James 4:17

Here are some of my passions (old and new):  Evangelism, My Family, Mentoring, Leading Worship, Missions, Advocating for Orphans, Reading, Writing, Learning, Travel, JOY!!!

I would love to hear what you are passionate about and what you are pressing on toward, so that we can pray for each other.

Thank you for reading this Mzungu's ramblings!

May my "aimless wandering" be turned around and focused for His Glory!

It's official, I am just like my Mother

I am officially enrolled at Cameron University for Fall 2012! 

This process began around February of this year.  I decided one day to just go across the street.  As many of you know, my husband, Matt works at Cameron Baptist Church in Lawton, OK.  Our Church is literally across the street from Cameron University.   So, after a lunch date with Matt, I walked across the street to the campus.  It makes so much sense to me now that being on a college campus would make me feel at home.  The day I set foot on campus to inquire about attending, I felt a rush of something I had not felt in a while.  It felt good, comfortable.  I felt a sense of belonging and I felt my Mom.  This may not make sense to you, but it is the truth for me.

Some of you may not know that I pretty much grew up on a college campus.  My Mom worked at UCO as a computer programmer for over 30 years and received her MBA there.  She actually loved learning.  When UCO offered free tuition for employees, she jumped on it.  She was brilliant and set the curve in all of her classes.  She loved learning.  That was her hobby.  A thirst for knowledge.  I think it is absolutely priceless that there is a memorial scholarship at UCO in her name to continue on her legacy of learning.  Maybe some day my boys will attend as well!

UCO has always meant so much to me.  I met my husband at the BSU (BCM) there.  Matt and I both graduated from there.  Our BCM Director, Charles Lillard, officiated my Mom's memorial service and hosted her Life Celebration after.  We love UCO! 

Now, here I am, 12 years after graduating from UCO, a Cameron University college student!!!  I can hear my Mom's voice telling me to get a Masters Degree... not gonna happen!  First, Cameron does not offer a Masters in Communication.  Oh, that's a shame!  Lol.  I really have no desire to get a Masters degree at this point.  However, I am looking forward to the fun classes I am going to take! 

Intro to Creative Writing and Exploring Multiculturalism, plus a 2 Saturday workshop on Non-fiction Writing.

I have really enjoyed writing over the last year.  My plan is to write something where the proceeds can go to benefit Haven of Hope in Kenya, where I found JOY!  My friend Amber is going there to serve for a year.  So, we shall see what the Lord has in store.

A friend asked me recently what I enjoy doing.  She said I had mentioned things I don't like to do (mainly crafty stuff that I am not naturally good at), so what is it that I enjoy doing?  This question really got to me.  My Mom always joked that she had no personality and was pretty boring.  I had to stop and think about what I do like to do.  Since then, I have realized several things.  I won't bore you with some of the awareness the Lord has brought me to.  I will share this.  One thing is, like my Mother, I enjoy learning.  So I guess one of my new hobbies is going to be school!  Who would have thought?!  I am becoming just like my Mother.  Lol.  I actually think that is something to be proud of regarding the value she put on education.  She definitely passed this on to me and I hope some day this love of learning will continue on with my boys! 

Anyway, this is my news for now.  I am really looking forward to being on campus in the Fall.  I have been a bit frustrated not knowing what was next and now I have something to look forward to.  Praise God!

Thank you for your support and prayers!  I am expecting great things for His Glory!

All Star Bucket Fillers

Today, Bennett received his first "Bucket Filler" award in Pre-K.  This award is given out to two students per class once a quarter, so it is a pretty big honor.  The award is based on the childrens book, "Have You Filled a Bucket Today? A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids."
 
"As the pages turn, children learn the meaning of the terms, bucket filling and bucket dipping and discover that when they fill someone's bucket, they fill their own. This popular book's call to action is: Why not decide to be a bucket filler today and every day?"

His teacher said this about him.  "I love to see you smile every morning.  When you smile, it makes me smile.  You are such a loving, caring and compassionate classmate to all your friends.  Thank you for being a great bucket filler."

I love this about my boys!  They really are Bucket Fillers.  They give JOY!  They fill people's buckets with kind words and love.  You can't help but be filled to overflowing when you encounter them.

Did I mention Preston has also received this award in Kindergarten and First Grade?

This makes me one proud Momma!  May they never lose sight of the power of encouragement! 

I am humbled by how easy this comes for them.  When do we as adults forget about this being a priority? 

I have definitely been learning about seeking JOY, but do I always strive to give it?  I learn so much from my children.  They inspire and motivate me in so many ways.

I am blessed and so grateful!  Glory to God for my two Bucket Fillers!

Every time your name comes up in my prayers, I say, "Oh, thank You, God!" I keep hearing of the love and faith you have for the Master Jesus, which brims over to other believers. And I keep praying that this faith we hold in common keeps showing up in the good things we do, and that people recognize Christ in all of it. Friend, you have no idea how good your love makes me feel, doubly so when I see your hospitality to fellow believers. 

Philemon 1:4-7 (MSG)

May we all fill someone's bucket today and every day!