Musings of a Mzungu

While in Uganda, everywhere we went, many people (of all ages) would call out; "Hey, Mzungu, how are you?"  I thought it was so funny.  I even bought a t-shirt that says "MZUNGU" on it.  I have no idea if children or adults over there even know what it means.  We were told it basically meant foreigner.

Well, when I got back, I googled the term, "mzungu."
Literally translated it means "someone who roams around aimlessly" or "aimless wanderer."

Some people would be offended by this.  In fact, I would hear people trying to correct children by asking them to call them "Auntie" or "Uncle."  They would say, "I am not a Mzungu!" 

Personally, I found truth in it.

Have you ever been in a season of wandering or roaming around aimlessly?

If you have not, then, you should probably stop reading this...

I can honestly say that over the last year and a half, I have had many, many times of aimless wandering. 

It struck me quickly after my Mom found out the cancer had spread to the lining of her brain.

It came on strong when I was her care giver and there was this indescribable, overwhelming feeling of helplessness.

It blind-sided me when I watched my Mom breathe her last breath.

It occurred when I quit my job/ministry at the Pregnancy Resource Center.

It hit me hard when I traveled all the way to East Africa and saw things that started a whole new, different grief process in my life.

It still happens when I lay awake at night unable to turn off my mind to the things I have seen, smelled, heard, touched and experienced.

"Aimless Wanderer."  MZUNGU.  Yep, that pretty much sums up this last year or so.

It has been a very bizarre and new feeling, although I do feel like I am beginning to move forward, which is good.  Sometimes it feels like I am just coming out of a fog or coming up to the surface from under water or climbing out of a pit.  Again, the best analogy I have read so far is the learning to walk again after losing a limb.

Hopefully, prayerfully, with the Lord's help, this Mzungu is starting to find some direction again.

Since January 12, 2012, I have kept a planner of JOY.  Each day, I have written a JOY Scripture and a JOY quote.  JOY!  JOY!  JOY!

That's a lot of JOY!

I give Glory to God for bringing healing JOY in my life every day.  It is definitely a day to day, moment by moment process.

I am being challenged in new ways. 

I can't just sing these words and not live them out...

"Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss."  (Lead me to the Cross lyrics)

"It's all about You, Jesus."  (Jesus, Lover of my soul lyrics)

"Break my heart for what breaks Yours."  (Hosanna lyrics)

"Now that I have seen, I am responsible.  Faith without deeds is dead."  (Albertine lyrics)

"There are no orphans of God."  (Orphans of God lyrics)

Here are some words from a book that I have been reading recently.  My dear friend, Mary Smith, gave me this book.  It is called "Hope Lives, A Journey to Restoration" by Amber Van Schooneveld.

"Help me not to let my all-about-me attitude persuade me to neglect those You want me to reach.  I want You to transform me to be like Jesus."

"I want God to transform my heart by the Holy Spirit so that I love what God loves, so that mercy naturally flows out of me.  I want to show others mercy because it was first shown to me; to offer mercy to others as fellow guests at God's table, not as a benevolent queen offering scraps to beggars at my feet."

"If I give every last cent, but I don't do it in Your love, it's a waste.  Mercy is attached to my heart.  God, please change my heart.  I give it to You.  Transform it to love with Your love."

"Guilt is not the point.  I don't need guilt; I need love."

"True charity is love."

"I want to turn away from my cold charity and my willing ignorance."

"Thank You that I know You're just waiting to do this."

Can you hear my toes crunching?

So, all this to say, this Mzungu is preparing for something.  I don't exactly know what it looks like, but I know I am pressing on toward it.  Forward progress is a good thing.

We all need to be passionate... even when we are wandering aimlessly. 

Waiting is not my forte, but no matter what or when, I am fixing my eyes on Jesus.

Remember, it is a sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.  - James 4:17

Here are some of my passions (old and new):  Evangelism, My Family, Mentoring, Leading Worship, Missions, Advocating for Orphans, Reading, Writing, Learning, Travel, JOY!!!

I would love to hear what you are passionate about and what you are pressing on toward, so that we can pray for each other.

Thank you for reading this Mzungu's ramblings!

May my "aimless wandering" be turned around and focused for His Glory!