Thanksgiving

I have really enjoyed all the posts about what everyone is thankful for.  It is so good to read and be encouraged by people being thankful.  May we not just stop after tomorrow.

Personally, I have had a hard time putting into words what the Lord has brought to mind for me this Thanksgiving.  For me, it has been to be grateful for the things I take for granted. 

I am so spoiled.

When I got home from Africa, I immediately took a shower after 48 hours of flying/traveling.  I took a long, hot shower... and I cried.  I cried because not everyone has hot water to take long, hot showers in.  I have seen this.  It is a reality that is permanently etched in my head.

After my long, hot shower, I used a fresh, clean towel.  I use clean towels and wash cloths every time I wash.  My whole family does... Not everyone has towels and wash cloths.  My team was able to bring donated towels to Canaan Children's Home in Uganda.  TOWELS!

Who knew a towel, even a sham wow, super absorbent, quick dry, type towel, could be a treasure?  One towel?!

Next break down I had was at Wal-Mart.  I was fine until the Ziploc bags... let me explain.  Many of our crafts were held in Ziploc bags.  One of the crafts we made with some of these children was a Lion pillow. 

My team leader wrote a beautiful post about this specifically.  If you would like to read it, here is the link.

http://5walkbyfaith.blogspot.com/2011/11/comfort-of-lion.html

They do not have pillows, so this was yet another treasure.  A little fleece pillow.  The Ziploc bag was just an added benefit.  I now know that Ziploc bags are something that you don't throw away... another treasure.

Have I mentioned how spoiled I am?! 

Wal-Mart is hard for me now.  Everything right at your fingertips.  I now have the hardest time walking down the Beans aisle.  There are children who literally only eat beans and rice as little as twice a week... a WEEK!!!  This is such a hard reality for me now that I have seen it with my own eyes.  It haunts me and keeps me awake at night.

I could also mention electricity.  How at Fiwagoh in Kenya, the electricity went out A LOT.  And these beautiful children praised Jesus by flashlights and lanterns.  It was Heavenly.

Here is a video of some sweet praise in the dark at Canaan in Uganda...

I don't mean to sound depressing.  I have really tried to share the "good" stories first...

This Thanksgiving, my perspective has had to be rocked to get my mind off my Mom not being here.  Here I am at 2:00 AM awake, writing about Africa, because I can't stop thinking about my Mom and how last Thanksgiving was just...

I am grateful for so many things.  Too many to write out.  I just wanted to share what has been on my heart ever since I returned from Africa.

I would love for you to get involved to help.  There are so many ways.  For now, I want to share this opportunity with you once again.

http://withwingedfeet.blogspot.com/2011/11/program-21.html

This is one of many ways you can help.  I met Becca at Canaan Children's Home in Uganda.  She lived there for over 2 months and knows specifically needs that you can help with.  PLEASE read this and (Lord willing and prayerfully) donate.


Have a blessed Thanksgiving.  Thank you for taking the time to read this and get involved.
Live it out!
For His Glory!

The Lord has filled my heart with JOY

I have debated whether or not to share this story.  It feels more like a gift that the Lord gave to me specifically and I don't ever want to minimize it.  This was such a special moment.  Selfishly, I wanted to keep this story just for me.  I hope you can truly understand why it meant so much to me that He would give me such a blessing.

I bought a journal on June 8, 2011.  On the cover, it has the Scripture 1 Samuel 2:1 (NCV) "The Lord has filled my heart with joy." 

The day I bought this journal was the day I received a phone call from my friend, Amber Lewis, who told me about this amazing opportunity with an organization called Visiting Orphans.

The day before this phone call, I had posted a blog about needing prayer for direction and clarity.  Amber had not read my blog yet, just felt the Lord prompting her to call me.  WOW!

I like to journal.  Sometimes prayers, sometimes thoughts.  It is nice to be able to go back and see how the Lord has answered.  It is good to go back and reflect on things you want to remember.

As most of you know, we have two sons.  Preston and Bennett.  (Peanut Butter)  When I was pregnant with Bennett, the day before my ultrasound, I had a dream that Bennett was a boy.  The way I knew this was because, in my dream, I was wearing a shirt that said "I am the Mommy to PB&J!" 

We have always had our "J" named picked out for if and when we had our girl.  My Dad's full name is Jay Lynn Douglas.  So, we were going to name her "Jaylynn Marie."  My Mom's middle name is Marie.  This name has been around since before we had Preston.

Well, after my Mom passed, I have been really concentrating on the word "JOY."  I have even painted a picture of the word, Joy.  I have been striving for revitalized Joy in my life since January.  So, through these last months, I had a change of heart on our future Princess's name.  I thought, what if we named her "Joylynn Marie?"  And what if we called her Princess Joy!  I literally have a prayer in my Joy journal from September 13, 2011 about our future Princess Joy.

Well, in Kenya, after our second day at Fiwagoh, our team leader, Diana, asked us to share some thoughts about what the Lord had been revealing to us.  My team members shared and we cried a lot.  It was a special time.  I shared my story about Joy and how finding Joy was part of my healing process through my grief.  I told them about my Joy journal and about my future Princess Joy.

The next day, we went to a baby cottage called Haven of Hope, run by this beautiful woman named Nellie.  She took us on a tour of her lovely home.  She has around 30+ children.  We went into the baby/toddler room.  She started sharing the names of the babies...

This is baby JOY...

Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?  "The Lord has filled my heart with JOY!"  I could not believe my ears or my eyes.  All of the girls on my team immediately looked over at me.  So, of course, I had to hold my JOY.  This gift of Joy that the Lord gave to me.  I found JOY in Kenya, Africa... quite literally.

Needless to say, I held onto my JOY for as long as they let me...

She fell asleep in my arms. 

It was... JOY. 

I would love to say that this was a sign from God.  This is your Princess Joy!  But, it is not that simple.  I quickly had to realize whatever happens, this was just a very special gift. 

"The Lord has filled my heart with JOY!"  The context of this Scripture passage is so much more appropriate to me today than ever before.  Hannah's story now gives me very specific hope... and JOY.

You would think that this would have been the end of my Joy story.  Nope.  The following week, we went to a ministry in Uganda called "Serving His Children."  It is an amazing ministry where they help malnourished children rehabilitate.

I got to hold a beautiful baby there too.  Guess what her name was?

JOY!

SERIOUSLY!!!  The funny thing was I had been holding her for a little while before I asked her Mom what her name was.  It was just... JOY!

So, I found JOY in Kenya and Uganda!!!  Can you even believe it!

I am so grateful for this story.  The way the Lord shows you exactly what you are looking for.  He is so good. 

I can't get over it!!!

Undeniable JOY!!!

Unforgettable Moments

This was my hardest day.  I have hesitated to write about the difficult parts of this journey.  Words fail to describe the devastation and hopelessness at some of the places we saw.  The need is staggering.  It got very dark on some days.


On this day, we went to a children's prison.  These government run facilities are a place where children are brought in that have either committed some sort of offense or have been found on the streets.

I cannot mention names or places or ministries that are helping, but I do want to share this story.

We came in and had a time of worship led by this incredible ministry that shares the light of Jesus at least twice a week at these places.  I was so wrapped up in worship, that, by the end, I didn't even notice that ALL of these children, ages 12-18, were down on their faces before the Lord.  They were praying and crying out to Jesus.  I did not understand all of the language, but what I saw was TRUE worship.  It was overwhelming.  I have not experienced anything like this.  It was something beautiful.  I am so grateful for this ministry that comes into these places.  Thank You, Lord.

After worship, we had a time where each child could make a cross beaded necklace.  I had noticed this girl was not participating.  So, I sat down by her.  She was mumbling, "my daddy, my daddy..."  I could not understand what she was saying.  I just started rubbing her back.  That's when one of the interns from this amazing ministry came over.  She sat in front of her and started trying to talk to this girl.  The intern explained to me that this girl was new and she had been getting picked on.  As this intern listened to this girl speak, she picked out the words, "My Mom just died."

I grabbed a hold of this girl and told her about my Mom through my tears.  I told her how she had died in January, and how sad I was.  But, that I had to believe that she was in Heaven and I would see her again because of my belief in Jesus and what He did for me and my Mom.  And that God is still good and still faithful.  The intern immediately started crying.

I don't remember what all was said, but it was overwhelming.

You can also see one of my team members right beside me, Allison.  She had felt led to come and just start praying, not knowing what exactly was happening. 

I cannot believe one of my other team members, Lauren, caught this on camera.

This moment that was so divine and appointed.  I still cannot believe it.

I wish we could have stayed all day and that I could have talked to this girl more.  It was so hard to leave.  But, I did get the chance to see this intern again later this day.  I am so glad she is able to minister to this girl.  There is also a woman (in the corner of the picture) that had been counseling with her that day after I left.
  
I will never forget this girl...

Please pray for these children and for this ministry that is there serving right now.

P.S.  I just got a message from Kirby, the intern.  (She said I can use her name!)  She said that this girl gave her life to Christ after the message today!  Praise God!!!  WOW!

The Karamajong

These stories are not in any order.  They are just a glimpse of this overwhelming experience.  Again, my words do not capture the enormity of it all.

While in Uganda, we got to go to visit the Karamajong Tribe. 

I met a boy named, Joseph.  He is 12 years old.  He stayed close by my side while we were there.  He was very sweet and protective.  He would tell me to put my camera away when he thought it might get broken or taken.  He had family there too.  He is in the middle of this picture.

Something very beautiful about Africa is that they want to sing and dance for you, which is right up my alley.  Loved it!  This group of children and women were so lovely.  We got to see the children sing.  Joseph's sister sang in the group.  Then, the ladies performed for us.  It was beautiful.  The worship is so sincere and genuine.  I was so moved.

I experienced something here that I have never seen before.  Our team was presented with gifts, lots of them.  They gave us eggs, bananas, lettuce, hand woven mats, baskets, beads, a sign, a bag and more.  It was too much.  It was so humbling.  Again, I was moved to tears.  I just can't describe it.

Next, came the beads.  All the women holding up their beautiful creations.  How do you choose?  It was so difficult.  I wish I could have bought from each one of these women. 

I did buy a bracelet from sweet Joseph.  He made it so he could sell it to get money for school fees. 

I was given a bracelet by one of the women, just for coming over to see their lovely work.

And by the way, I did buy several necklaces from them.  I would have bought more, but ran out of money...

Please pray for the Karamajong Tribe.

"Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. ³ For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own."  2 Corinthians 8:2-3

This may be taking Scripture out of context, but I literally got to experience this right in front of me.  It was something I will carry with me for the rest of my life.  I will not get over it.  And I pray I learn to give like these people gave.

To God be the Glory.  Amen.

My friend Philis

My first story has to be about Philis.

We drove up to Fiwagoh and were greeted by the singing "Welcome, welcome... so happy to see you, happy to see you."  I got out of our van and we were surrounded by children.  It is an overwhelming feeling.  Of course, I started bawling.  It was surreal.  That word will be coming up a lot and it doesn't even do it justice.
Immediately, this little girl grabbed my hand and looked me right in the eyes and said "We are going to be friends.  You are going to be my friend."  This was Philis.  And we definitely became friends and were together for my days at Fiwagoh.
The first thing you notice is the beauty of this place.  It is set in the middle of mountains and right on Lake Elementaita.  Gorgeous.  The next thing is the singing.  It is constant and simply lovely.  Next, is the notes.  I received little notes immediately from Philis and her group.  It was one of the sweetest things.
We got unloaded and ate dinner.  Then, we worshiped with them.  Again, the singing was enchanting and captivating, Heavenly.  Lots of hugs good night and off to bed.
The next morning, we started organizing our donations.  Breakfast was announced so I took my doxicyclene.  Well, breakfast was running a little late.  I didn't think anything of it... well, these meds are to be taken with food.  Needless to say, when breakfast did happen, I was nauseous.  NOOOO!!!!  I went back to my room and laid down.  I started praying.  It was so frustrating for me.  I could not believe that on my first day to serve I was sick.  Anyway, I decided to stay in my room for the morning to see if this nausea would pass since I had eaten something.  I was so upset.  I heard the children singing and having fun.  And I was stuck in my room.
Then, came the voice.  "Shahloh?"  I didn't think too much of it, thought I was hearing things.  I started reading through my sweet notes and continued praying.  The voice came again.  "Shahloh?"  Talk about a voice from above.  I got up and went down the hall and there was Philis waiting for me.  She looked up at me and asked if I was coming.  Umm, yes, yes, I am.  Without hesitation, I went with her.  I had to totally rely on the Lord's strength to get me through the day.  I had been praying Philippians 4:13 all morning.  And boy, was this verse the truth for me this day and quite frankly, all week.  His Strength.  Amen.
It was a beautiful day with my new friend, Philis.

Birthdays and Broken Arms

WOW, what a week. 

Yesterday, the day after Preston's 7th Birthday, he broke his arm in two places.  He was hot doggin' in his brand new go kart from Papa J.  He took a turn too sharp and rolled onto the side.  He actually wanted to just take a break and go again.  Needless to say, I took him to the ER.  That was a crazy drive.  I am pretty sure I got up to speeds that I won't mention... the Lord was protecting us thankfully.  Preston was screaming in pain.  This is so hard to hear as parents know when your child is in pain.  We were 30 minutes out of town, so it was a very long drive.  Preston was so sweet through it.  Through his screaming, he also started praying.  "God, please heal my arm."  I had to mention that because of how strong he is in his faith at his age.  Again, I just love this about him.  We got to the ER and of course, I parked on the totally wrong side of Mercy.  So, we had to walk through the entire hospital.  That was frustrating, but in the midst of chaos, you are not always thinking clearly.  We got to the check in.  And through my quivering voice I told the man that my son had probably broken his wrist and we had been driving for 30 minutes and could he please help us quickly.  He looked down at his wrist and asked the concierge lady to get an ice pack.  Then, very quickly, they took him back and put his arm on a board and wrapped it.  This was a surprisingly quick ER visit.  I am grateful they responded so quickly.  I had to go to registration and he had to go get x-rays.  Another no fun thing for a parent.  They don't let you go back.  When he came back, I could tell he had been crying.  I remember the x-ray I had when I broke my arm at 5 years old.  X-rays are no fun.  I am so grateful that he made it this long without breaking a bone.  Anyway, we waited just a little bit and they brought him back.  The doctor told me he had broken it in two places, the ulna and radius.  The good news is it was not all the way through so they did not have to set it.  Thank God!  They had to put a splint on.  He did not cry during this.  I am so proud of him.  He is such a great kid.  Finally, after all that, they gave him some Tylenol.  The nurses were so impressed with how calm he was and sweet.  He will have to get a cast after the swelling goes down.  That is hard because I may be flying to Africa when this happens.  But, I know he is in good hands here with his Daddy and Papas.  I am just hoping I can be here for it.  Time will tell.  Preston did not cry at the ER until we were about to leave.  He was more upset that we weren't going back to Papa J's.  But, Papa J came back to Lawton with us.  We gave him otc meds every 4 hours and he has not complained once.  Have I mentioned what a great kid he is?!!!  I was taking pictures of him and trying to make him look a little more pathetic, but the truth is, he can't help but smile his big cheezy grin.  I LOVE HIM.  He will be fine.  I know this. 

Today is my Mom's 56th Birthday, her first in Heaven.  I remember taking her to lunches on her birthday.  13 years ago, I took her out to eat at her favorite Chinese restaurant, Dot Wo's in Edmond.  I was telling her about my first date with this guy named Matt.  She got so excited and said maybe for her next birthday, we would be planning a wedding.  She also told me, "You better not screw this up, Shiloh Dawn."  (Thanks, Mom.)  To which I responded with; "Hey, I am a pretty good catch too, you know."  She loved Matt even before she met him.  (Who couldn't!)  Ironically, I was already married to him by her next birthday!!!  Lol. 

Last year, for her birthday, we went to a Japanese restaurant where they cook in front of you.  She had so much fun, we all did.  She was so happy.  The pictures from that weekend are the last I have of her.  Soon after that, in November, she started getting really sick.  And, well, you all know how quick it went after that. 

I recorded two songs for my parents birthdays last year.  "Thank you for the Music" and "Healer."  My Dad's Birthday is Monday.  So, this month is just full of celebrations.  She always said we needed to have a daughter on October 4th, so we would have birthdays October 2, 4, 6, 8, and 10. 

We love you and miss you Mama J.  The boys birthdays this year was hard on me because of missing her.  But, she would be so mad at me for that, so we celebrated doing something the boys love, swimming.  And they did have a blast last weekend and this weekend with the go karts while it lasted...

All is well today.  Preston is feeling great.  He is a trooper.  Daddy is happy because the Sooners are winning.  Papa J is doing good because he always eats well and rests better when he is here, Lol.  Bennett is getting used to having to be super sensitive to Preston's fragile state.  As for Mommy, well, I appreciate your prayers for our family in the midst of all this.  I just need extra prayer for my anxiety as I am away.  Thank you.  Days and weeks like these I REALLY miss my Mom. 

The good news is that all this warfare just means the Lord has mind-blowing, huge things in store for Africa, which gives me great hope. 

For His Glory.

Happy Birthday, Preston!!!

When the Lord gets you ready to start a family, sometimes it is not in our time.  I knew I wanted to get pregnant, but the Lord knew it was not quite the right time yet.
We had been trying for two years and I honestly thought I was not able to conceive.  It made me so sad.  I even went in to get checked out for fertility issues.  But, that month, I got pregnant.  YAY!!!

I remember taking the test and two pink lines coming up right away.  I immediately drove to Mardel and bought Matt a book titled "Congratulations, you are going to be a father."  I was so thrilled that I told the check out person, who probably thought I was nuts.  Then, I rushed home and waited for Matt.

He finally got home from a very long day, working with my Dad, and was so dirty.  Poor guy.  I was following him around in the garage trying to get him inside.  He was taking his time... come on!  He finally came in and I gave him the book.  He looked at it and then looked at me and said "What?!"  He started crying, well, I should say, we started crying and screaming and jumping for JOY.  OK, maybe I did the jumping!  Lol.

Here is just a little funny connection thing.  That night, we went to a Blazers Hockey game with our friends Amber and Abbey.  Amber is going to Africa with me next week.  We were not going to tell them because we wanted to tell our parents first, but we ended up telling them because we could not keep it in.  We told our parents, family and friends later.

Another interesting tidbit is the next week we were scheduled to go eat at our friends, Andy and Treasure's.  I should have suspected something was up when Treasure called and said they had invited Matt's brother, Mike and his wife, Chantel over as well.  Chantel announced that night that she was pregnant too and we were due really close together.  I truly think it is a TWIN thing because Thomas and Preston were born 6 days apart.  I have often said that my Mother-in-law must have felt like she was getting a set of twin grandsons.  It is pretty special.  I don't have a sister, so it was great to have someone to be pregnant with.  And our friend Treasure got pregnant again shortly after that.  Her daughter is to be married to one of our sons some day, which one she will choose is still yet to be determined.  Lol.

Anyway, we were so excited.  I remember going to the doctor to hear his heart beat for the very first time.  It was just one of those moments you will never forget.  He had such a fast, strong heart beat.  I recorded it on one of those recordable frames and put a picture of his ultrasound in it.

We had one scare with him during my pregnancy, but everything turned out fine, thankfully.

I had to be induced because I am pretty sure my babies would stay in me forever if they could.  That day, I had experienced a few contractions, but was not in pain.  Matt would sit and watch the monitor and tell me when they were coming.  I was kind of making fun of wimpy women for complaining about this "pain."  Well, let's just say that was before the doctor broke my water... after that, I knew what pain all these wimpy women were talking about.  WOW, women are just amazing.  Can I just say!  Yikes.  The pain came for sure.  And I so did get some meds!  Hallelujah for meds.

Well, Preston was big, really big.  So, labor did not go as smoothly as anticipated.

There are certain things you remember about these particular days.  I remember the doctor coming in after 2 hours of pushing and suggesting a C-section because he was stuck.  I immediately started crying and said no, I can do this, which was not wise.  I should have listened to the doctor.  I remember my doctor telling me that they were going to bring in 4 people to help stand on me in case his shoulders got stuck... whoa!  I remember her telling me to listen to her voice only and to only push when she said push, not anyone else, namely Matt.  And I honestly don't remember much more until Matt was telling me that he was here.  I had been at it for 11 hours...  For me, 11 minute C-section with Bennett versus 11 hour hard labor with Preston, I preferred the C-section.

Preston Douglas Wolff was born October 6, 2004 at 7:26 P.M.  He weighed 8 pounds 10 ounces.  The nurses nicknamed him "Samson."  He was a BIG baby, biggest in the nursery that week.  His little hands were so purple and his head was so coned from being stuck, bless his heart.  He had so much hair and really broad shoulders.

I remember them putting him in my arms and tears coming without any control.  Not the balling kind of tears, just overwhelming tears that can't stay in.  He took my breath away... still does.

There is so much to say about Preston.  He is simply delight.  He makes everyone love him.  You can't help it.  He is persuasive and persistent and a performer.  He is sharp.  He has an amazing memory.  He will talk to anyone, which is a good and sometimes not so good thing.  He loves to play Tag, as most of our youth students know.  He loves to be in front of people.  He reads with lively animation.  I love that about him, he is a story teller.  He has a schpeal that he will tell you even if you don't want to know.  "Hi, my name is Preston, and I am now 7 years old.  I am in the 1st grade and I go to Flower Mound.  This is my brother, Bennett, he just turned 5 years old and he goes to Flower Mound too.  I play T-ball, but next year will probably play coach pitch.  And I play piano and have a recital at the end of November..."  And so on and so on.  He can overwhelm you with details, but he thrives in knowing them.  I think he genuinely believes everyone is interested.  He is very much a planner and knows our schedule.  He remembers when and where and who and what and if and all that.  He cracks me up.  He is always chatty.  He is so incredibly cute, the big blue eyes and the toe-blonde hair.  I have had so many Moms tell me that their daughters want to marry him.  So many, in fact, we had to establish the "Not until you are 25" rule.  Just ask him about kissing or marriage or girlfriends.  He LOVES video games, computers and anything technologically advanced, thanks to Mama J and his Daddy.  I wish it weren't so and would worry more if he were not social, but WOW, is he social.  No worries there.  He got the "Bucket Filler" award at his school last year in Kindergarten, which was a really big deal.  He is an encourager.  He is left handed, but writes with his right hand.  He would play all day if he could.  He has energy that astounds me.  He has such a big heart.  He loves TobyMac.  He thrives in a scheduled setting, so school has been really enjoyable for him.  He loves anything in water, especially the water park.  He would go there year round.  I think sometimes his mind is about 2 steps ahead of his feet.  He is loyal and still mentions friends from when he was 1 or 2.  He is a prayer warrior.  He loves his brother and is so patient with him.  He does well to include him, actually, he is just great at including everybody.  He doesn't like disappointing you.  He wants to please you and make everyone happy.  He and I are so similar, it scares me sometimes.  He picked up a phrase in Pre-K, "That makes my heart grow big."  He still says this.  It is so sweet.

Preston Douglas Wolff, you made us a Mommy and Daddy.  We love you and are so proud of the little man that you are becoming.  You make my heart grow big with the love that you give.  Happy 7th Birthday, sweet boy.  Many adventures to come.

Happy Birthday, Bennett!!!

I am extremely sentimental and nostalgic these days so I have to write something about my Bennett on his birthday today.

Let me back up a bit.  Bennett was kind of a surprise.  It took a long time to get pregnant with Preston (2 years), so I just assumed it would take a long time again.  Boy, was I wrong!  It took 2 months... Bennett is literally 2 years almost to the day younger than Preston.  And this was not planned.  We were definitely trying to get pregnant, just not expecting it to happen so quickly.  I remember asking my prayer partner at the time, Rebecca Pruitt, to pray with me about conceiving another child.  I think she must have a pretty direct connection to the Lord because it didn't take very long for this prayer to get answered.  I am sure grateful for my sweet Ben Ben.

My pregnancy was great, no complications.  I did get sick once from dehydration.  I had gone to visit Matt at Super Summer.  It was the hottest summer on record (until this year, Lol.)  But, no worries.

Anyway, we wanted to know whether it was a boy or a girl.  And honestly, we were hoping for a girl this second time.  Matt and I actually thought maybe it was a girl.  I had a dream the night before my ultrasound that it was definitely a boy.  In my dream, I was wearing a T-shirt that said I am the Mommy to PB&J.  (My "J" named girl is still out there just waiting for us...) Anyway, the next day we went in for the ultrasound.  The nurse asked me if I wanted to know what it was.  And I said it's a boy, without even looking at the screen.  She was surprised and asked how did I know.  I said the Lord had told me in a dream.

All that to say, we were THRILLED to know our second Prince Charming was on the way. 
We scheduled my C-section for October 2, 2006.  The reason we didn't schedule it for October 6th (Preston's Birthday) was that they did not do C-sections on Fridays, so Monday, October 2, 2006, we welcomed Bennett Michael Wolff (BMW). 

I was all prepped and ready.  The Doctor started the procedure, then looked up at one of the nurses and asked, "Where's the Father?"  Somehow in the midst of all the craziness, no one remembered to go get Matt.  So, one of the nurses sprints down the hall and grabs Matt.  He walks in the door JUST in time.  That was kind of funny, looking back on it.  The first thing the doctor said was, "It's definitely a boy and he's peeing everywhere!!!"  LOL!  He was born at 8:06 A.M. and weighed 8 pounds 6 ounces.  (You know how I love number coincidences!)
In the video, you see me shaking and my teeth chattering.  I was freezing.  Don't know if that was the room or all that epidural medicine!  

After this, family came.  Meemaw and Papaw Wolff, Uncle Mike, Mama J and Papa J.  We also had several Cameron Baptist Church friends come visit as well.  Then Preston met Bennett after his Mother's Day Out that day.  He was a little skeptical at first.  But, it didn't take him long to come around.  Preston is the most amazing Big Brother to Bennett.  One of the sweetest memories I have as a Mom to these two precious boys is their joyful laughter.  There was this belly laugh that Bennett had that only Preston could make him do.  It brings tears to my eyes just remembering that.  They both have the best laughs.  And I am so thankful for the joy that they bring to so many.  It is contagious.

More about Bennett on his special day.  He is such a sweet, compassionate, intense, affectionate little man.  He loves to play in the dirt or sand, digging for dinosaur bones or buried treasure.  He has killer dimples.  His smile is irresistable.  And when he hugs you, he squeezes with passionate intensity.  He has always been artistic.  He loves to draw pictures for everyone.  He loves Mickey Mouse.  And he loves to sing and dance or shake his tail feather!  He LOVES coins.  It is hilarious to see him unabashedly ask for your coins.  He is probably already pretty wealthy through all his coin collecting.  He loves younger children, especially his cousins.  He has always had a special way with my two neices.  It is quite sweet and yet another reason he would make an incredible big brother to a little sister.  (Wishful thinking).  He is super intense and passionate like his Papa J, which is a bit intimidating.  My Dad and him are a lot alike, which scares Papa J and me and Matt, LOL!  He can still take a nap during the day and when he wakes up, we call him Mr. Squishy, because it takes him a long time to get back to himself.  He wants to cuddle for a bit.  He loves school and his teachers really love him.  He is pretty independent and does not need to always play with someone.  He can handle playing on his own, which is different from Preston.  He gets more confident when he is around his Big Brother.  The two of them crack me up.  Bennett has a natural mercy and nurturing care for others just like his Daddy.  I cannot even remember our lives without him in our little family.  He speaks with wisdom far beyond his years and says some of the sweetest things.  He is quite charming.  I have had some of his past teachers admit that they let him get away with more just because of how he is.  This is something we will deal with forever I am sure.  His love for his family is so beautiful.  He prays for people by name and knows where his Mama J is and is so very sensitive.

We have read, "Guess How Much I Love You."  There is a line in the book that says "I love you to the moon and back."  Well, guess what he said to me just this morning... "I love you all the way to Heaven and back." 

Bennett Michael Wolff, I feel exactly the same way.  Happy 5th Birthday!  You are becoming a little man right before me.  And I am so grateful to be your Mommy!  I love you all the way to Heaven and back, sweet boy!

Anticipate. Experience. Reflect.

Recently, I received 3 devotion journals from Visiting Orphans.  The first is called Anticipate.  It has been so encouraging.  THREE WEEKS!!!  I cannot believe it. 
I am anticipating and expecting great things. 

"God has opened doors for you to go on this trip.  He is calling you to grow in your faith, to become someone better than you are right now.  He is opening your eyes to live differently than ever before.  The challenge for you will be not just to know the right things to do but put them into practice.  And to do this, not just on your upcoming trip, but from now on... People will see a difference, you will experience joy, and you will take another step toward becoming the disciple of God that you are meant to be."

May it be so, yes Lord!

Anticipate.  Experience.  Reflect. 

2 Corinthians 10:15b-17
Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow, our area of activity among you will greatly expand, so that we can preach the gospel in the regions beyond you. For we do not want to boast about work already done in another man’s territory. But, “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”

Let this be my heart's cry every day.

Glory to Your Name, Jesus!

Rite of Passage - Africa

So, I am going to Africa in less than a month... whoa!  That is just crazy, but so great.
"Lord, You're so amazing to me, how can I find the words..."
I keep finding myself having so much to say, but without enough words to describe this journey.  It overwhelms me.
Sunday was a blast.  We had our first teleconference with the team.  WOW!  I cannot wait to work alongside these incredible people, who have a huge passion for orphans, and also love Jesus with all their heart and are living it out.  Again, WOW!
I know in my last note, I mentioned the need for supplies.  I have already received some donations for these purposes.  THANK YOU!!!  You all sure know how to give.
If you would like to know what is needed, please see my last blog.  The latest need that has been mentioned is pipe cleaners.  We need thousands.  Pipe cleaners for Africa!!!
Again, THANK YOU!!!  We are also going to make Salvation bracelets.  I will have more details on this soon.  Thank you so much!!!
The team leaders shared a little about the itinerary.  I simply cannot wait.
In Kenya, our teams will be working with the 320 children at Hope Community Center.  We will work and stay at Fiwagoh Mission Orphanage. This orphanage is run by a former orphan who dedicated his life to rescuing orphans after realizing the amazing love and care of His Heavenly Father.   In Uganda, this team will work with the children's prisons (yes, you heard correctly!) through the wonderful ministry of "M".  The team will also travel to Jinja and stay at Canaan's Children Home ministering to the children in this orphanage and working with the people and children in the "least of the least" called the Karamajong tribe.  

I am overwhelmed once again.
Thank you for all you have done and for your continued prayers.
I wanted to share this with you.  I can't seem to get over it!
(2 Corinthians 9:6-15)

Generosity Encouraged

 ⁶ Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. ⁷ Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. ⁸ And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. ⁹ As it is written:

   “They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor;
   their righteousness endures forever.”^[a]

 ¹⁰ Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. ¹¹ You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.

 ¹² This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. ¹³ Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. ¹⁴ And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. ¹⁵ Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift! 

You are loved!!!

Update on Africa

So, technically, I am not breaking my Facebook fast by sharing this news with you via my blog. I just wanted to give a HUGE shout out to everyone who has given. I am overwhelmed and not surprised at the Lord's provision. He is always so faithful, unwavering and constant. Happy Joy!!! I can't contain it!
All that to say, thank you! The trip is paid for in full with some extra to spare. Thank you. I thank my God for you, each one of you.
You are impacting orphans in Kenya AND Uganda. WOW! Thank you!
I am now going to be collecting supplies to pack in a suitcase that will go straight to the children at these orphanages.
If you have any:
-school supplies (pencils, sharpeners, pens, markers),
-medical (children's pain reliever - liquid and chewable, triple antibiotic ointment, hydro-cortisone creme, bandaids),
-Flip flops (all colors and sizes),
-sports (jump ropes, sidewalk chalk, bubbles, balloons, deflated soccer balls, footballs, kickballs, ball pump with needle)
-art supplies (I will have more info on specifics later)

So, if you can supply any of these things, please email me at shilohwolff@hotmail.com

I do still have Acacia necklaces. (I had to request more, which is so cool!) again, thank you!!!

And Visiting Orphans Go.Be.Love t-shirts are coming soon!

If you would like to donate directly to Visiting Orphans, you can go to their website as well. Visitingorphans.org
You can designate it specifically to our trip which is October 12-24, 2011 Kenya/Uganda.

Again, I do not need any more financial support personally, but just wanted to share the opportunities that are still available if you would like to support.

Asante (Thank you)

34 days!!!

So much in store.

Love you all. Thank you for everything.

Blessings,
Shiloh

Last year's blog written by Mom for my Birthday

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Happy Birthday to you, Shiloh

June 28 is Shiloh's birthday. It is also her husband Matt's birthday and Matt's twin brother Mike's birthday, so happy birthday to the three of you. I think Jane, Matt and Mike's mom, said the twins were born at some early hour of the morning. Shiloh was born at 8:46pm on a Wednesday.

I just read a blog by a young woman who literally wrote a six part blog, with six "cliff hangers", about her recent baby being born. Although I think it was a bit much, I know the feeling because having a baby is something you remember in minute detail. I remember almost everything that happened that day, even though it was some years ago.

So, I am going to make Shiloh seem awfully old to any of you young women who are just having your baby today, like Chantel and Mike, congratulations on your Katie Jane born Thursday.

Although I was young and naïve back then, these days I would never take for granted this everyday normal birth. I am so very thankful for everything about it.

We lived in a small town in Missouri. I worked in the hospital where I had the baby, just down the hall in the pharmacy. I knew some of the nurses and aides and then the people in the pharmacy, so that was nice for me. I had worked that day until 3:00pm. This day was 3 weeks before my due date of July 19, so everyone was surprised at how quickly everything happened. I happened to be driving a pickup truck and we had a friend who needed to borrow it, so my girlfriend picked me up from work. We had planned to go swimming that evening, (yes, it seems odd now), but that was our plan. Anyway, I started feeling bad, not that she or I thought it was labor, but that I was just sick. As we drove through the little town where we lived, we saw Jay's truck at the "filling station". Apparently he had had a flat tire. We put a note on the truck and then went to my parent's house. My father thought I might be in labor, since, as he described it later, when he looked at me, I had the "wild eyed" look first time heifers get when they have their first calf. Remember we lived in the country.

Jay got to my parent's house and we decided to go to the hospital around 6:00pm. I had a pretty easy time, well once they gave me some Demerol, and had the baby within a few hours. And guess what, we didn't know if the baby was a boy or a girl until she was born. Hence the term "it's a girl" was literally said when the baby was born.

My parents didn't follow me up to the hospital, but decided to go ahead and go to church since it was Wednesday night. They drove up to the hospital later and were surprised when the doctor said they could come back and see the baby. Then, as this was still the day of the "party line", Jay tried to call his parent's several times and got a "busy signal" so they didn't even know until the next day. We sure take all this instant communication for granted.

So, I had the baby at 8:46pm and then went to a room by around 10:30pm and then Jay just went home. Actually, he probably went to a late night breakfast with our friends and then went home. The dad didn't generally stay at the hospital unless there was something terribly wrong. The next day, he could come in, but the visiting hours were restricted. The dad's could stay a little longer than other family, but generally you had visitors for about an hour in the afternoon and an hour in the evening. And there were certainly no children under 14 or so allowed to visit, unless there was a really good reason.

So that was Wednesday night and I stayed Thursday, then Friday, then Saturday, and yes, actually until Sunday, for just a normal delivery. I saved the hospital bills from my delivery and stay in Shiloh's baby book. Shiloh and I got them out and looked at them and now Shiloh is going to seem really old. The bill for baby girl Douglas was $160 or around $39 per day for room and board. The bill for me was $303, with $225 for the delivery room and about $15 per day for room and board?? I don't know how in the world they only charged $15 per day, but it is true.

I wouldn't trade all the technology available for mothers and babies today. I know my staying in a hospital for 3+ days was not necessary, but my goodness, now you just pop in and pop out. But really, there was nothing like the thrill of hearing "it's a girl" that evening.

Happy birthday Shiloh, you changed our lives forever.

Thanks, Mom!  I missed you so much yesterday.  There was a package on our front porch and I immediately thought you had sent me something, forgetting you aren't here.  It was a weird feeling. 

I had my first dream about you today.  You were bringing the boys home from doing something with them.  You were happy and healthy.  Everything seemed so normal.  You looked great.  

I am grateful God gave me a happy picture of you for my birthday, even in a dream.  I love you and miss you every day.  I still struggle with wanting to call you at some point every day.  Another odd feeling.  

You used to say "I feel like we haven't talked in ages."  Even after one or two days of not talking on the phone.  I miss that.  I miss you.  

This was a great birthday.  We are so blessed and have so many people that love us.  I am so grateful.  

I just miss you and love you on yet another tough milestone.

My Birthday Wish...

Today is my 33^rd birthday! 

A few weeks ago, I asked for prayer for clarity and direction.  The next day, a very dear friend of mine called.  She said she felt like she needed to share this opportunity with me.  I had no idea that when people interceded on my behalf, the Lord would do something this big.  This has always been a dream of mine and a calling in my life.  I am humbled and honored and so incredibly excited.  SDG!!!

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans...in their affliction.”  James 1:27

“There are no orphans of God.”   

This October 12-24, 2011, I have an amazing opportunity to visit an orphanage in Kenya,

Africa.  That’s right AFRICA!!!  This 12 day mission-trip is being organized by a Christian, non-profit ministry called Visiting Orphans.  Visiting Orphans organizes trips for Christian groups to visit orphanages all over the world.  

You can learn more about them at: www.VisitingOrphans.org .

I am writing this on my birthday to ask you to partner with me on this trip by praying, encouraging and financially supporting me.  Please pray that our team will have unity and that our travels will be safe and we’ll remain healthy.  Pray also that God will teach me more about Himself and especially pray that we’ll be able to communicate God’s love to the children we meet.

The cost for me to attend this trip is approximately $3,000. This includes all my travel, lodging, meals, and translators. Once I’ve reached my goal, any additional money raised on my behalf can go toward orphanage donations on our trip.  The large portion of this money ($2,000) is due to Visiting Orphans by August 13th.  The balance will be due around the end of September, three weeks before my trip.

You can make your donations online at: visitingorphans.org .  Click on Make a Donation.  Under Gift Designation, please indicate October 12-24, 2011 Kenya Trip.  Next, click Yes to “Would you like to designate this donation to a specific team member?”  Team Member’s Name is Shiloh Wolff.

You can also send me a Facebook message or mail donations to me directly.  Just message me and I will send you our address.  Please make checks payable to Visiting Orphans.  All donations are tax deductible.

Thank you for considering being a part of my support team. If you need to contact me with any questions, please email me at: shilohwolff@hotmail.com or send me a Facebook message.

Thank you for listening to my heart on my birthday.  I appreciate your support and encouragement.

After our trip, I will send you a letter explaining what happened on our trip and show you pictures of our time there.

Yours in Christ,

Shiloh Wolff

June-uary

So, I cannot believe it is June.  I still feel like it is January.  It is such a weird feeling.  But, the ever present smell of sunscreen and outside sweaty boys reminds me that it is overwhelmingly summer. 

I am grateful to have this summer with my boys.  We have packed it full of activities.  Swim lessons, T-ball, Water park, Library story time, Piano lessons, Movies, plus upcoming trips, etc.  It is a little bit of a psychology thing for me.  Maybe if we stay busy enough, the void won't seem so big. 

Believe me when I say, for me, sadly, it is just another reminder of our significant loss.  It is so hard.  I was telling Matt that tonight.  Everything that we do just reminds me that she is no longer here.  I miss her and wish there were better words to describe this feeling.  Missing her seems kind of blah.

Since I last wrote, we have celebrated Easter and Mother's Day without my Mom, I went to San Antonio, Preston started playing T-ball, Bennett finished his days at Mother's Day Out, and Preston graduated Kindergarten. 

With each milestone and moment, the inevitable firsts, the ache and empty feeling remains.

I really had no idea...

But, not to leave on a sad note, I will try to sandwich this post out. 

So, here goes.

I do have a birthday coming up.  My Dad asked me what I wanted.  (My Mom was always the gift giver.)

It will be interesting to see what this year holds.  I feel like there are some huge possibilities, Lord willing.  Would you all just pray for God's wisdom for direction?  I am still in A.D.D. mode, so it is hard to hear His Voice above the madness. 

I have contemplated mission trips, foster care, adoption, travel agent, writing, school, therapy, TOMS shoes sales, and pretty much any cause that crosses my path apart from breast cancer, especially anything with helping children. 

This is just a glimpse.  I don't have a lot of clarity on much of anything these days. 

So, for my birthday, would you all please pray for me? 

What do you get someone that is blessed and doesn't "need" anything? 

Prayer for what is next.

Thank you.

Drivers Ed for Grieving

Well, today marks 3 months since my Mom passed away.  That does not seem real.  Something you should know about these last 3 months is it is OK to have more bad days then good.  I am going to try to explain some of my process.

About a year ago, I was rear-ended by a teenage girl who was texting while driving.  It really freaked me out.  Thankfully, the boys were not with me, but I have been a super paranoid driver ever since.  This prompted me to start thinking about this last year and all that has happened... I almost called this post "Grieving for Dummies like me" but I thought this was better.  When I got hit, it was right in the middle of everything; my Mom's diagnosis, doctors visits, surgery consultations.  I was making several trips back and forth to OKC, so it was definitely one of those moments where you are thinking, seriously... not good timing!  Anyway, I thought I would break it down in driving terms.

Rear-Ended - I would definitely say that when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, it felt this way.  It didn't come from out of nowhere, like being blind-sided, but it was quite a shock for sure.  The problem with this is you start focusing so much on what is coming from behind, you don't pay attention to what is coming right in front of you.  So, the likelihood of having some blind-spots along the way is big.  For us, it would be the crazy fast way it all ended.  Once the cancer spread to her brain, it was like a full head on collision totaling all of her.

Weather conditions - This is a big determination of mood and temperature of days.  I am so grateful it is finally Spring.  Driving through grief is definitely lighter when it is lovely outside, at least on some days!

Keep your hands at 10 and 2 - This makes me think of times and dates that are "firsts."  You want to hold on to all of them.  For about 2 weeks after she died, I could not eat at 6:15 P.M.  This is the exact time she took her last breath.  Every 11th of each month is significant.  Anniversaries, Mother's Day, Birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  This first year is so hard obviously.

Road Rage - I said at the beginning of all this that I needed a new vocabulary for these feelings that certain words or phrases just are not good enough for.  And it does make me mad.  I am still angry.  You just have to work at not letting the rage consume you, which is a difficult thing to do.  But, there are definitely some days when you may want to steer clear of me.  Again, this is just me being honest.  It is not always going to be peaches and cream with me, not that it ever was before.  But, especially now, my fuse is even shorter.  And again, this is OK.  The Lord knows.  He gets it.

Right of Way - There is no right way of dealing with this.  My Dad and I have talked extensively about this.  No two people will grieve the same way.  It is totally different for every single person.  I had a really hard time at the beginning, when people would try to tell me how they knew exactly how I felt.  No, you don't.  I don't know how you felt.  We can't compare how to deal with loss.  We can only relate to one another.  And again, there are no right ways or wrong ways.  We just have to deal with it in our own way.  And the Lord is the only way I have found to have hope in the midst of all of this.

Cruise Control - This is so hard.  I have battled with just wanting to set the cruise control on being miserable and sad all the time or trying to just not deal with it.  Cruising along like I am in some alternate reality.  I have told several friends; each morning, I wake up and feel her ring on my finger.  It is that reality check that brings me back to this place of the not so great truth that she is gone.

No Texting While Driving - I do still miss calling her every single day.  That has been one of  the hardest parts about all this.

Drivers Permit - I am just in the beginning stages of all this.  I have not got it down or under control.  I am still learning each day, moment by moment how to maneuver through.  I don't know if you ever get a license in this sort of thing.  But, there are some things that help along the road. 
   

Lights - Preston's favorite verse is 1 John 1:5 "God is Light, in Him there is no darkness at all."  Why do you think "This little Light of mine" is one of the first songs kids learn in Sunday school?  We all have times of darkness, but John 1:5 says "The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."  Also, John 8:12 "When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the Light of the world.  Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the Light of life.”  Even if it is just enough light for me to see the Light itself, I know it is enough to guide me forward.

Safety Belt - Every time you drive or prepare for anything (including loss and grief), you should always buckle up.  Ephesians 6:13-17 says "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."

Just some random thoughts from the A.D.D. Cinderella.  Thanks for humoring me.