June-uary

So, I cannot believe it is June.  I still feel like it is January.  It is such a weird feeling.  But, the ever present smell of sunscreen and outside sweaty boys reminds me that it is overwhelmingly summer. 

I am grateful to have this summer with my boys.  We have packed it full of activities.  Swim lessons, T-ball, Water park, Library story time, Piano lessons, Movies, plus upcoming trips, etc.  It is a little bit of a psychology thing for me.  Maybe if we stay busy enough, the void won't seem so big. 

Believe me when I say, for me, sadly, it is just another reminder of our significant loss.  It is so hard.  I was telling Matt that tonight.  Everything that we do just reminds me that she is no longer here.  I miss her and wish there were better words to describe this feeling.  Missing her seems kind of blah.

Since I last wrote, we have celebrated Easter and Mother's Day without my Mom, I went to San Antonio, Preston started playing T-ball, Bennett finished his days at Mother's Day Out, and Preston graduated Kindergarten. 

With each milestone and moment, the inevitable firsts, the ache and empty feeling remains.

I really had no idea...

But, not to leave on a sad note, I will try to sandwich this post out. 

So, here goes.

I do have a birthday coming up.  My Dad asked me what I wanted.  (My Mom was always the gift giver.)

It will be interesting to see what this year holds.  I feel like there are some huge possibilities, Lord willing.  Would you all just pray for God's wisdom for direction?  I am still in A.D.D. mode, so it is hard to hear His Voice above the madness. 

I have contemplated mission trips, foster care, adoption, travel agent, writing, school, therapy, TOMS shoes sales, and pretty much any cause that crosses my path apart from breast cancer, especially anything with helping children. 

This is just a glimpse.  I don't have a lot of clarity on much of anything these days. 

So, for my birthday, would you all please pray for me? 

What do you get someone that is blessed and doesn't "need" anything? 

Prayer for what is next.

Thank you.