Get her back up in the air

You know the movie, Top Gun.  Remember, at the end, when Goose dies, Maverick's Commander gives the order to get him back up in the air as soon as possible.

This is what comes to mind about me singing in worship.  I blame my Worship Pastor, Steve Holt.  Lol!

It is tough.  I have tried walking away before.  The rocks start crying out when I don't sing to Jesus.

I was thinking about walking away again after my Mom died.  Everyone would have understood.  No one would have been surprised.

It is exceedingly difficult to sing now.  However, for me, it is yet another part of my healing process.

Here is the deal.  I still believe that God is good.  He is faithful to me, even when I am not faithful to Him.  I have been given book after book filled with Scripture reminding me of all this and more.  Scriptures that I have memorized, quoted and written in sympathy cards through the years.  I know they are true still.

A very dear friend of mine said when tragedy came quick to her, the Lord reminded her of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.  They expected the Lord to deliver them from the fiery furnace, but even if He did not, they would not worship their gods or gold images.  This gave my friend hope and comfort.  This is good wisdom for people in the midst of tragedy or difficulty.  Find your Scripture that you always can go back to, even if it is familiar.

This inspired and motivated me to find some Scripture to cling to from the very beginning of my Mom's diagnosis, February 2010.  The Lord reminded me of Job 2:10b.  "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"  (By the way, I am a numbers person... 2:10 vs. 2/10, seems like a coincidence the Lord would do as a gentle reminder for me.)  If you read Job 1:21b, it says "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."  Tough words.


I have seen the Lord work in so many ways through so many years.  Jesus is my Savior and Lord of my life.  He is unwavering and constant.  This does not change, thankfully.

"Any faith that leaves us unprepared for suffering is a false faith that deserves to be abandoned.  Genuine faith will be tested by suffering; false faith will be lost - the sooner, the better.  Believing God exists isn't the same as trusting the God who exists."
-Randy Alcorn "The Goodness of God"

This does not make my grief and sorrow disappear.  I am sad, very sad.  I miss my Mom so much it hurts, literally.  Do I question God?  YES!  Do I get mad at God?  OH YES!  Can He take it?  Absolutely, read your Bible!

It is interesting the books I read before all of this.  A lot of them were about David.  Talk about not being afraid to pour out his heart to God, bad and good.   

One of the books I read was called "Get Over Yourself" by Jennifer Beckham.  She references the story of when David's baby son dies.


"Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the LORD, and worshiped; then he came into his own house; and when he required, they set bread before him, and he did eat."
2 Samuel 12:20

She writes:

"Understand that his situation had not changed - his son was still dead.  But I believe when David washed and anointed himself after the death of his son, he was remembering when he was first anointed to be king.  Studies show that when a person was anointed, there was a distinct aroma that permeated off of them from the oil.  It was evident to anyone near them that they'd been anointed.  Maybe he was saying to himself as he took the oil, I was chosen.  I'm a king.  
Perhaps as he applied the oil onto himself, he spoke those words aloud.  Perhaps as the aroma filled the room and he breathed it, he got a new attitude.  David had a revelation, one that you need to grasp as well:  He could not change his circumstance, but he could change his attitude."

That is why I still sing, or like this morning in Sunday worship, let the words be sung over me while I ball my eyes out.  I can't help the crying.  It is like a river of life and once it starts it just won't stop.  Some words (that are still true) are just hard to say out loud for me at this point.  Again, I know all these things.  It will take me longer than David to get up, wash up and remember I am a Princess.

Until then, thank you for supporting me through the tears, through the music.

I also read "Facing Your Giants" by Max Lucado.  There is a chapter called "Unspeakable Grief."

"Amid the answers we think we know and the many we don't is this one:  death stinks.
Death amputates a limb of your life.  So Jesus wept.  And in his tears we find permission to shed our own.  F.B. Meyer wrote:  
"Jesus wept.  Peter wept.  The Ephesian converts wept on the neck of the Apostle whose face they were never to see again.  Christ stands by each mourner, saying, 'Weep, my child; weep, for I have wept.' 
Tears relieve the burning brain, as a shower in the electric clouds.  Tears discharge the insupportable agony of the heart, as an overflow lessens the pressure of the flood against the dam.  Tears are the material out of which heaven weaves its brightest rainbow."
We don't know how long Jesus wept.  We don't know how long David wept.  But we know how long we weep... Am I the only one who senses that we hurry our hurts?  Grief takes time.  Give yourself some."

And time is what I have and I am grateful.  So, I guess this is me "getting back up in the air."

"Take my voice and let me sing, always, only for my King."
-Frances Havergal (one of my favorite hymn writers)

"Our griefs cannot mar the melody of our praise; they are simply the bass notes of our life song: To God Be the Glory."  -C.H. Spurgeon

One of my youth girls gave me a wind chime last year.  It says "Life is a song.  God's love is the music."  I realized a while back, I am just an instrument, He alone is my music and song, thankfully.  That is the only way I can say or sing the words "Glory to God."

Thank you for your continued prayers and support through this difficult time.