Thanksgiving

I have really enjoyed all the posts about what everyone is thankful for.  It is so good to read and be encouraged by people being thankful.  May we not just stop after tomorrow.

Personally, I have had a hard time putting into words what the Lord has brought to mind for me this Thanksgiving.  For me, it has been to be grateful for the things I take for granted. 

I am so spoiled.

When I got home from Africa, I immediately took a shower after 48 hours of flying/traveling.  I took a long, hot shower... and I cried.  I cried because not everyone has hot water to take long, hot showers in.  I have seen this.  It is a reality that is permanently etched in my head.

After my long, hot shower, I used a fresh, clean towel.  I use clean towels and wash cloths every time I wash.  My whole family does... Not everyone has towels and wash cloths.  My team was able to bring donated towels to Canaan Children's Home in Uganda.  TOWELS!

Who knew a towel, even a sham wow, super absorbent, quick dry, type towel, could be a treasure?  One towel?!

Next break down I had was at Wal-Mart.  I was fine until the Ziploc bags... let me explain.  Many of our crafts were held in Ziploc bags.  One of the crafts we made with some of these children was a Lion pillow. 

My team leader wrote a beautiful post about this specifically.  If you would like to read it, here is the link.

http://5walkbyfaith.blogspot.com/2011/11/comfort-of-lion.html

They do not have pillows, so this was yet another treasure.  A little fleece pillow.  The Ziploc bag was just an added benefit.  I now know that Ziploc bags are something that you don't throw away... another treasure.

Have I mentioned how spoiled I am?! 

Wal-Mart is hard for me now.  Everything right at your fingertips.  I now have the hardest time walking down the Beans aisle.  There are children who literally only eat beans and rice as little as twice a week... a WEEK!!!  This is such a hard reality for me now that I have seen it with my own eyes.  It haunts me and keeps me awake at night.

I could also mention electricity.  How at Fiwagoh in Kenya, the electricity went out A LOT.  And these beautiful children praised Jesus by flashlights and lanterns.  It was Heavenly.

Here is a video of some sweet praise in the dark at Canaan in Uganda...

I don't mean to sound depressing.  I have really tried to share the "good" stories first...

This Thanksgiving, my perspective has had to be rocked to get my mind off my Mom not being here.  Here I am at 2:00 AM awake, writing about Africa, because I can't stop thinking about my Mom and how last Thanksgiving was just...

I am grateful for so many things.  Too many to write out.  I just wanted to share what has been on my heart ever since I returned from Africa.

I would love for you to get involved to help.  There are so many ways.  For now, I want to share this opportunity with you once again.

http://withwingedfeet.blogspot.com/2011/11/program-21.html

This is one of many ways you can help.  I met Becca at Canaan Children's Home in Uganda.  She lived there for over 2 months and knows specifically needs that you can help with.  PLEASE read this and (Lord willing and prayerfully) donate.


Have a blessed Thanksgiving.  Thank you for taking the time to read this and get involved.
Live it out!
For His Glory!

The Lord has filled my heart with JOY

I have debated whether or not to share this story.  It feels more like a gift that the Lord gave to me specifically and I don't ever want to minimize it.  This was such a special moment.  Selfishly, I wanted to keep this story just for me.  I hope you can truly understand why it meant so much to me that He would give me such a blessing.

I bought a journal on June 8, 2011.  On the cover, it has the Scripture 1 Samuel 2:1 (NCV) "The Lord has filled my heart with joy." 

The day I bought this journal was the day I received a phone call from my friend, Amber Lewis, who told me about this amazing opportunity with an organization called Visiting Orphans.

The day before this phone call, I had posted a blog about needing prayer for direction and clarity.  Amber had not read my blog yet, just felt the Lord prompting her to call me.  WOW!

I like to journal.  Sometimes prayers, sometimes thoughts.  It is nice to be able to go back and see how the Lord has answered.  It is good to go back and reflect on things you want to remember.

As most of you know, we have two sons.  Preston and Bennett.  (Peanut Butter)  When I was pregnant with Bennett, the day before my ultrasound, I had a dream that Bennett was a boy.  The way I knew this was because, in my dream, I was wearing a shirt that said "I am the Mommy to PB&J!" 

We have always had our "J" named picked out for if and when we had our girl.  My Dad's full name is Jay Lynn Douglas.  So, we were going to name her "Jaylynn Marie."  My Mom's middle name is Marie.  This name has been around since before we had Preston.

Well, after my Mom passed, I have been really concentrating on the word "JOY."  I have even painted a picture of the word, Joy.  I have been striving for revitalized Joy in my life since January.  So, through these last months, I had a change of heart on our future Princess's name.  I thought, what if we named her "Joylynn Marie?"  And what if we called her Princess Joy!  I literally have a prayer in my Joy journal from September 13, 2011 about our future Princess Joy.

Well, in Kenya, after our second day at Fiwagoh, our team leader, Diana, asked us to share some thoughts about what the Lord had been revealing to us.  My team members shared and we cried a lot.  It was a special time.  I shared my story about Joy and how finding Joy was part of my healing process through my grief.  I told them about my Joy journal and about my future Princess Joy.

The next day, we went to a baby cottage called Haven of Hope, run by this beautiful woman named Nellie.  She took us on a tour of her lovely home.  She has around 30+ children.  We went into the baby/toddler room.  She started sharing the names of the babies...

This is baby JOY...

Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?  "The Lord has filled my heart with JOY!"  I could not believe my ears or my eyes.  All of the girls on my team immediately looked over at me.  So, of course, I had to hold my JOY.  This gift of Joy that the Lord gave to me.  I found JOY in Kenya, Africa... quite literally.

Needless to say, I held onto my JOY for as long as they let me...

She fell asleep in my arms. 

It was... JOY. 

I would love to say that this was a sign from God.  This is your Princess Joy!  But, it is not that simple.  I quickly had to realize whatever happens, this was just a very special gift. 

"The Lord has filled my heart with JOY!"  The context of this Scripture passage is so much more appropriate to me today than ever before.  Hannah's story now gives me very specific hope... and JOY.

You would think that this would have been the end of my Joy story.  Nope.  The following week, we went to a ministry in Uganda called "Serving His Children."  It is an amazing ministry where they help malnourished children rehabilitate.

I got to hold a beautiful baby there too.  Guess what her name was?

JOY!

SERIOUSLY!!!  The funny thing was I had been holding her for a little while before I asked her Mom what her name was.  It was just... JOY!

So, I found JOY in Kenya and Uganda!!!  Can you even believe it!

I am so grateful for this story.  The way the Lord shows you exactly what you are looking for.  He is so good. 

I can't get over it!!!

Undeniable JOY!!!

Unforgettable Moments

This was my hardest day.  I have hesitated to write about the difficult parts of this journey.  Words fail to describe the devastation and hopelessness at some of the places we saw.  The need is staggering.  It got very dark on some days.


On this day, we went to a children's prison.  These government run facilities are a place where children are brought in that have either committed some sort of offense or have been found on the streets.

I cannot mention names or places or ministries that are helping, but I do want to share this story.

We came in and had a time of worship led by this incredible ministry that shares the light of Jesus at least twice a week at these places.  I was so wrapped up in worship, that, by the end, I didn't even notice that ALL of these children, ages 12-18, were down on their faces before the Lord.  They were praying and crying out to Jesus.  I did not understand all of the language, but what I saw was TRUE worship.  It was overwhelming.  I have not experienced anything like this.  It was something beautiful.  I am so grateful for this ministry that comes into these places.  Thank You, Lord.

After worship, we had a time where each child could make a cross beaded necklace.  I had noticed this girl was not participating.  So, I sat down by her.  She was mumbling, "my daddy, my daddy..."  I could not understand what she was saying.  I just started rubbing her back.  That's when one of the interns from this amazing ministry came over.  She sat in front of her and started trying to talk to this girl.  The intern explained to me that this girl was new and she had been getting picked on.  As this intern listened to this girl speak, she picked out the words, "My Mom just died."

I grabbed a hold of this girl and told her about my Mom through my tears.  I told her how she had died in January, and how sad I was.  But, that I had to believe that she was in Heaven and I would see her again because of my belief in Jesus and what He did for me and my Mom.  And that God is still good and still faithful.  The intern immediately started crying.

I don't remember what all was said, but it was overwhelming.

You can also see one of my team members right beside me, Allison.  She had felt led to come and just start praying, not knowing what exactly was happening. 

I cannot believe one of my other team members, Lauren, caught this on camera.

This moment that was so divine and appointed.  I still cannot believe it.

I wish we could have stayed all day and that I could have talked to this girl more.  It was so hard to leave.  But, I did get the chance to see this intern again later this day.  I am so glad she is able to minister to this girl.  There is also a woman (in the corner of the picture) that had been counseling with her that day after I left.
  
I will never forget this girl...

Please pray for these children and for this ministry that is there serving right now.

P.S.  I just got a message from Kirby, the intern.  (She said I can use her name!)  She said that this girl gave her life to Christ after the message today!  Praise God!!!  WOW!

The Karamajong

These stories are not in any order.  They are just a glimpse of this overwhelming experience.  Again, my words do not capture the enormity of it all.

While in Uganda, we got to go to visit the Karamajong Tribe. 

I met a boy named, Joseph.  He is 12 years old.  He stayed close by my side while we were there.  He was very sweet and protective.  He would tell me to put my camera away when he thought it might get broken or taken.  He had family there too.  He is in the middle of this picture.

Something very beautiful about Africa is that they want to sing and dance for you, which is right up my alley.  Loved it!  This group of children and women were so lovely.  We got to see the children sing.  Joseph's sister sang in the group.  Then, the ladies performed for us.  It was beautiful.  The worship is so sincere and genuine.  I was so moved.

I experienced something here that I have never seen before.  Our team was presented with gifts, lots of them.  They gave us eggs, bananas, lettuce, hand woven mats, baskets, beads, a sign, a bag and more.  It was too much.  It was so humbling.  Again, I was moved to tears.  I just can't describe it.

Next, came the beads.  All the women holding up their beautiful creations.  How do you choose?  It was so difficult.  I wish I could have bought from each one of these women. 

I did buy a bracelet from sweet Joseph.  He made it so he could sell it to get money for school fees. 

I was given a bracelet by one of the women, just for coming over to see their lovely work.

And by the way, I did buy several necklaces from them.  I would have bought more, but ran out of money...

Please pray for the Karamajong Tribe.

"Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. ³ For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own."  2 Corinthians 8:2-3

This may be taking Scripture out of context, but I literally got to experience this right in front of me.  It was something I will carry with me for the rest of my life.  I will not get over it.  And I pray I learn to give like these people gave.

To God be the Glory.  Amen.

My friend Philis

My first story has to be about Philis.

We drove up to Fiwagoh and were greeted by the singing "Welcome, welcome... so happy to see you, happy to see you."  I got out of our van and we were surrounded by children.  It is an overwhelming feeling.  Of course, I started bawling.  It was surreal.  That word will be coming up a lot and it doesn't even do it justice.
Immediately, this little girl grabbed my hand and looked me right in the eyes and said "We are going to be friends.  You are going to be my friend."  This was Philis.  And we definitely became friends and were together for my days at Fiwagoh.
The first thing you notice is the beauty of this place.  It is set in the middle of mountains and right on Lake Elementaita.  Gorgeous.  The next thing is the singing.  It is constant and simply lovely.  Next, is the notes.  I received little notes immediately from Philis and her group.  It was one of the sweetest things.
We got unloaded and ate dinner.  Then, we worshiped with them.  Again, the singing was enchanting and captivating, Heavenly.  Lots of hugs good night and off to bed.
The next morning, we started organizing our donations.  Breakfast was announced so I took my doxicyclene.  Well, breakfast was running a little late.  I didn't think anything of it... well, these meds are to be taken with food.  Needless to say, when breakfast did happen, I was nauseous.  NOOOO!!!!  I went back to my room and laid down.  I started praying.  It was so frustrating for me.  I could not believe that on my first day to serve I was sick.  Anyway, I decided to stay in my room for the morning to see if this nausea would pass since I had eaten something.  I was so upset.  I heard the children singing and having fun.  And I was stuck in my room.
Then, came the voice.  "Shahloh?"  I didn't think too much of it, thought I was hearing things.  I started reading through my sweet notes and continued praying.  The voice came again.  "Shahloh?"  Talk about a voice from above.  I got up and went down the hall and there was Philis waiting for me.  She looked up at me and asked if I was coming.  Umm, yes, yes, I am.  Without hesitation, I went with her.  I had to totally rely on the Lord's strength to get me through the day.  I had been praying Philippians 4:13 all morning.  And boy, was this verse the truth for me this day and quite frankly, all week.  His Strength.  Amen.
It was a beautiful day with my new friend, Philis.

Birthdays and Broken Arms

WOW, what a week. 

Yesterday, the day after Preston's 7th Birthday, he broke his arm in two places.  He was hot doggin' in his brand new go kart from Papa J.  He took a turn too sharp and rolled onto the side.  He actually wanted to just take a break and go again.  Needless to say, I took him to the ER.  That was a crazy drive.  I am pretty sure I got up to speeds that I won't mention... the Lord was protecting us thankfully.  Preston was screaming in pain.  This is so hard to hear as parents know when your child is in pain.  We were 30 minutes out of town, so it was a very long drive.  Preston was so sweet through it.  Through his screaming, he also started praying.  "God, please heal my arm."  I had to mention that because of how strong he is in his faith at his age.  Again, I just love this about him.  We got to the ER and of course, I parked on the totally wrong side of Mercy.  So, we had to walk through the entire hospital.  That was frustrating, but in the midst of chaos, you are not always thinking clearly.  We got to the check in.  And through my quivering voice I told the man that my son had probably broken his wrist and we had been driving for 30 minutes and could he please help us quickly.  He looked down at his wrist and asked the concierge lady to get an ice pack.  Then, very quickly, they took him back and put his arm on a board and wrapped it.  This was a surprisingly quick ER visit.  I am grateful they responded so quickly.  I had to go to registration and he had to go get x-rays.  Another no fun thing for a parent.  They don't let you go back.  When he came back, I could tell he had been crying.  I remember the x-ray I had when I broke my arm at 5 years old.  X-rays are no fun.  I am so grateful that he made it this long without breaking a bone.  Anyway, we waited just a little bit and they brought him back.  The doctor told me he had broken it in two places, the ulna and radius.  The good news is it was not all the way through so they did not have to set it.  Thank God!  They had to put a splint on.  He did not cry during this.  I am so proud of him.  He is such a great kid.  Finally, after all that, they gave him some Tylenol.  The nurses were so impressed with how calm he was and sweet.  He will have to get a cast after the swelling goes down.  That is hard because I may be flying to Africa when this happens.  But, I know he is in good hands here with his Daddy and Papas.  I am just hoping I can be here for it.  Time will tell.  Preston did not cry at the ER until we were about to leave.  He was more upset that we weren't going back to Papa J's.  But, Papa J came back to Lawton with us.  We gave him otc meds every 4 hours and he has not complained once.  Have I mentioned what a great kid he is?!!!  I was taking pictures of him and trying to make him look a little more pathetic, but the truth is, he can't help but smile his big cheezy grin.  I LOVE HIM.  He will be fine.  I know this. 

Today is my Mom's 56th Birthday, her first in Heaven.  I remember taking her to lunches on her birthday.  13 years ago, I took her out to eat at her favorite Chinese restaurant, Dot Wo's in Edmond.  I was telling her about my first date with this guy named Matt.  She got so excited and said maybe for her next birthday, we would be planning a wedding.  She also told me, "You better not screw this up, Shiloh Dawn."  (Thanks, Mom.)  To which I responded with; "Hey, I am a pretty good catch too, you know."  She loved Matt even before she met him.  (Who couldn't!)  Ironically, I was already married to him by her next birthday!!!  Lol. 

Last year, for her birthday, we went to a Japanese restaurant where they cook in front of you.  She had so much fun, we all did.  She was so happy.  The pictures from that weekend are the last I have of her.  Soon after that, in November, she started getting really sick.  And, well, you all know how quick it went after that. 

I recorded two songs for my parents birthdays last year.  "Thank you for the Music" and "Healer."  My Dad's Birthday is Monday.  So, this month is just full of celebrations.  She always said we needed to have a daughter on October 4th, so we would have birthdays October 2, 4, 6, 8, and 10. 

We love you and miss you Mama J.  The boys birthdays this year was hard on me because of missing her.  But, she would be so mad at me for that, so we celebrated doing something the boys love, swimming.  And they did have a blast last weekend and this weekend with the go karts while it lasted...

All is well today.  Preston is feeling great.  He is a trooper.  Daddy is happy because the Sooners are winning.  Papa J is doing good because he always eats well and rests better when he is here, Lol.  Bennett is getting used to having to be super sensitive to Preston's fragile state.  As for Mommy, well, I appreciate your prayers for our family in the midst of all this.  I just need extra prayer for my anxiety as I am away.  Thank you.  Days and weeks like these I REALLY miss my Mom. 

The good news is that all this warfare just means the Lord has mind-blowing, huge things in store for Africa, which gives me great hope. 

For His Glory.

Happy Birthday, Preston!!!

When the Lord gets you ready to start a family, sometimes it is not in our time.  I knew I wanted to get pregnant, but the Lord knew it was not quite the right time yet.
We had been trying for two years and I honestly thought I was not able to conceive.  It made me so sad.  I even went in to get checked out for fertility issues.  But, that month, I got pregnant.  YAY!!!

I remember taking the test and two pink lines coming up right away.  I immediately drove to Mardel and bought Matt a book titled "Congratulations, you are going to be a father."  I was so thrilled that I told the check out person, who probably thought I was nuts.  Then, I rushed home and waited for Matt.

He finally got home from a very long day, working with my Dad, and was so dirty.  Poor guy.  I was following him around in the garage trying to get him inside.  He was taking his time... come on!  He finally came in and I gave him the book.  He looked at it and then looked at me and said "What?!"  He started crying, well, I should say, we started crying and screaming and jumping for JOY.  OK, maybe I did the jumping!  Lol.

Here is just a little funny connection thing.  That night, we went to a Blazers Hockey game with our friends Amber and Abbey.  Amber is going to Africa with me next week.  We were not going to tell them because we wanted to tell our parents first, but we ended up telling them because we could not keep it in.  We told our parents, family and friends later.

Another interesting tidbit is the next week we were scheduled to go eat at our friends, Andy and Treasure's.  I should have suspected something was up when Treasure called and said they had invited Matt's brother, Mike and his wife, Chantel over as well.  Chantel announced that night that she was pregnant too and we were due really close together.  I truly think it is a TWIN thing because Thomas and Preston were born 6 days apart.  I have often said that my Mother-in-law must have felt like she was getting a set of twin grandsons.  It is pretty special.  I don't have a sister, so it was great to have someone to be pregnant with.  And our friend Treasure got pregnant again shortly after that.  Her daughter is to be married to one of our sons some day, which one she will choose is still yet to be determined.  Lol.

Anyway, we were so excited.  I remember going to the doctor to hear his heart beat for the very first time.  It was just one of those moments you will never forget.  He had such a fast, strong heart beat.  I recorded it on one of those recordable frames and put a picture of his ultrasound in it.

We had one scare with him during my pregnancy, but everything turned out fine, thankfully.

I had to be induced because I am pretty sure my babies would stay in me forever if they could.  That day, I had experienced a few contractions, but was not in pain.  Matt would sit and watch the monitor and tell me when they were coming.  I was kind of making fun of wimpy women for complaining about this "pain."  Well, let's just say that was before the doctor broke my water... after that, I knew what pain all these wimpy women were talking about.  WOW, women are just amazing.  Can I just say!  Yikes.  The pain came for sure.  And I so did get some meds!  Hallelujah for meds.

Well, Preston was big, really big.  So, labor did not go as smoothly as anticipated.

There are certain things you remember about these particular days.  I remember the doctor coming in after 2 hours of pushing and suggesting a C-section because he was stuck.  I immediately started crying and said no, I can do this, which was not wise.  I should have listened to the doctor.  I remember my doctor telling me that they were going to bring in 4 people to help stand on me in case his shoulders got stuck... whoa!  I remember her telling me to listen to her voice only and to only push when she said push, not anyone else, namely Matt.  And I honestly don't remember much more until Matt was telling me that he was here.  I had been at it for 11 hours...  For me, 11 minute C-section with Bennett versus 11 hour hard labor with Preston, I preferred the C-section.

Preston Douglas Wolff was born October 6, 2004 at 7:26 P.M.  He weighed 8 pounds 10 ounces.  The nurses nicknamed him "Samson."  He was a BIG baby, biggest in the nursery that week.  His little hands were so purple and his head was so coned from being stuck, bless his heart.  He had so much hair and really broad shoulders.

I remember them putting him in my arms and tears coming without any control.  Not the balling kind of tears, just overwhelming tears that can't stay in.  He took my breath away... still does.

There is so much to say about Preston.  He is simply delight.  He makes everyone love him.  You can't help it.  He is persuasive and persistent and a performer.  He is sharp.  He has an amazing memory.  He will talk to anyone, which is a good and sometimes not so good thing.  He loves to play Tag, as most of our youth students know.  He loves to be in front of people.  He reads with lively animation.  I love that about him, he is a story teller.  He has a schpeal that he will tell you even if you don't want to know.  "Hi, my name is Preston, and I am now 7 years old.  I am in the 1st grade and I go to Flower Mound.  This is my brother, Bennett, he just turned 5 years old and he goes to Flower Mound too.  I play T-ball, but next year will probably play coach pitch.  And I play piano and have a recital at the end of November..."  And so on and so on.  He can overwhelm you with details, but he thrives in knowing them.  I think he genuinely believes everyone is interested.  He is very much a planner and knows our schedule.  He remembers when and where and who and what and if and all that.  He cracks me up.  He is always chatty.  He is so incredibly cute, the big blue eyes and the toe-blonde hair.  I have had so many Moms tell me that their daughters want to marry him.  So many, in fact, we had to establish the "Not until you are 25" rule.  Just ask him about kissing or marriage or girlfriends.  He LOVES video games, computers and anything technologically advanced, thanks to Mama J and his Daddy.  I wish it weren't so and would worry more if he were not social, but WOW, is he social.  No worries there.  He got the "Bucket Filler" award at his school last year in Kindergarten, which was a really big deal.  He is an encourager.  He is left handed, but writes with his right hand.  He would play all day if he could.  He has energy that astounds me.  He has such a big heart.  He loves TobyMac.  He thrives in a scheduled setting, so school has been really enjoyable for him.  He loves anything in water, especially the water park.  He would go there year round.  I think sometimes his mind is about 2 steps ahead of his feet.  He is loyal and still mentions friends from when he was 1 or 2.  He is a prayer warrior.  He loves his brother and is so patient with him.  He does well to include him, actually, he is just great at including everybody.  He doesn't like disappointing you.  He wants to please you and make everyone happy.  He and I are so similar, it scares me sometimes.  He picked up a phrase in Pre-K, "That makes my heart grow big."  He still says this.  It is so sweet.

Preston Douglas Wolff, you made us a Mommy and Daddy.  We love you and are so proud of the little man that you are becoming.  You make my heart grow big with the love that you give.  Happy 7th Birthday, sweet boy.  Many adventures to come.